These 10 Steps to Restoring Trust are very powerful.  This technique should only be used when you are committed to creating a better relationship.

Do not attempt if you are merely interested because you will only make things worse.

restoring trust
interested vs. committed
For anyone confused by my use of committed vs. interested.  Think about bacon and eggs for breakfast.  The chicken is interested. The pig is committed.

Step 1

Acknowledge and what you said or did to break the trust

Examples:

  • I committed that I would be faithful to you…
  • I said I would take the trash out…

Step 2

Accept Responsibility for what you did or said to break the trust

Examples:

  • I accept responsibility for my actions

Step 3

Share what it was that was more important to you or what else had your focus

Examples:

  • I was really hurt by you and I wanted to get back at you.
  • I wanted to watch the game and that was more important to me than taking out the trash.

Step 4

Ask, the person who’s trust you broke, to share what the damage was for them

Example:

  • Will you please share with me how you feel, how I hurt you?

Step 5

LISTEN to the answer

Example:

  • Mouth closed, be present, do not react.

Step 6

See if they are willing to work through this issue with you

Example:

  • Are you open to working through this with me?

Step 7

Apologize

Example:

  • “I apologize for breaking my word and causing you this pain.”
  • “I apologize for putting watching the game over keeping my word.”

Step 8

Recommit and ask if the other person is willing to recommit

Example:

  • “I am 100% in this relationship.  Are you willing to recommit to me and allow me the opportunity to show you that I love you?”

Step 9

Share what support you want (if any)

Example:

  • “In the future, when I’m feeling hurt by you, would it be ok if I brought this up to you?  I could use your support in talking through that.”

Step 10

Share what you learned by doing this

Example:

  • “I learned that just because I think something is a certain way, does not make it real.  It also does not mean I need to act on it.”
You will either have excuses or you will have results. Even though it is not easy, it really is that simple.

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